Longing

Longing

You are so beautiful
My heart hurts
With longing.
It falls.
Stops.
Dies.
Breathes.
Lives.
Longs.
In agony.
You are so beautiful
My heart beats
A little slowly.

Whispers

Whispers

When
These Gifts
Will reach you
They will be

Too soiled
From exposure.

Perhaps
You would
Not want such
Dirty,

Wounded,
Things on offer.

Then
Such gifts
May be dying.
They may be

Too weak
To Whisper.

Hence
Please know
They used to be
Pretty.

Virgin,
Like you are.

How Yellow was Made

How Yellow was Made

Once upon a time -
When Time itself was new -
There lived an old God,
Who was bored of boring Blue.

When He made the oceans,
'Big and Blue', he thought,
While sitting knitting skies,
He used the Blue a lot.

Now Blue was old and bored Him
Though Red and Green were good,
But He wanted something fresh -
Something cheerful while he could.

On a Green hill he sat,
And thought of petals bright,
And of breeze and of bliss,
And of the Red of twilight.

And so came to be Be
A dancing flower of Daffodil;
He created with his thoughts -
Yellow on a Green hill!

So content He was that day,
So blissful and so happy,
That dancing yellow daffodils,
Are Godly and will always be.

The Making of Eldorado (Eldorado VII)

The Making of Eldorado (Eldorado VII)

If I had some Gold

If I had some Gold
I'd keep it as if gold -
I would buy jewel boxes
To keep such precious Gold.

I don't need too much
A little bit will do.
Old, battered, passed on -
I don't ask for new.

I promise I'll keep it safe
Well cared shining bright;
If I had some Gold
I'd cherish it day and night.

Few Golden grains I shall keep
In folds of silken wraps,
Unwrap them on special days,
Caress, kiss, then back.

I shall wear some everyday
Some, I shall spread and sleep;
I shall save for rainy days
Some, I shall warm and eat.

I shall trim all my dresses
With a light Golden lace -
And for my old green stones
I shall make a Golden case.

I shall carry Gold with me
I shall never be alone.
I shall give to everyone
Such Gold I shall own.

A mirror I shall gild
Painting it for Keeps -
Some Gold in my hair
A little on my cheeks.

When the last little bit is left
I shall dangle it as ear-rings,
And just a tiny little pinch
I shall sprinkle on my mornings.

White

White

I plucked a flower from a tree
Then I forgot that I had.
(It was fat and grinning wide)

It waited for some time for me
For a glance or less;
Perhaps it cried.

Alone with a sun so sultry
Hurt by my affection
It shriveled up, and died.

Eldorado Forgotten (Eldorado VI)

Eldorado Forgotten

If I toil hard enough,
If I dig deep enough --

Perhaps I may find
What I forgot in time;
My old eyes may taste
A sight of golden grace,
Perhaps I may remember
A color or a number,
A name to those dreams
Of gold & golden themes,
Which dance in my memory,
Which I recall just barely,
Perhaps I may land
On the never never land --

If I sail far enough,
If I toil hard enough.

Remembering Eldorado (Eldorado V)

Remembering Eldorado

I have arrived
Here
Where there are no dreams
And so it is easier to Be.
But I still remember you
Without
Regret or even fondness
Yet, I am so lonely.

There is no time here
No past
No future, no present
Nothing to entice me.
There is no magic here
No gold
To remind me of you, Eldorado.
Just colorless Eternity.

The Ghost

The Ghost

There is no loss like mine
When they plan their carnivals,
And sing and dance together -

And I dance around invisible.

There is no grief like mine
When I long to be heard,
And seen, and loved and touched -

And I am just remembered.

Heart Break II

Heart Break II

"I love some one else,
Not you.", she said;
That's when my heart broke,
That's when my Reason fled.

I decided to leave alone
What needed gentler hands -
Instead of building homes
I shattered skies and lands.

She won't return my love
I have one world to blame.
She won't give me warmth
So I'll set the world aflame.

Let my heart break and never mend
If it cannot please her heart.
And if this world can't give her me
Let this world stop and never start.

If I think, let the thoughts
Be of heat and of blaze;
If I wake, let my work
Be to set the world ablaze;

If I sleep, let my dreams
Be in shades of red and rust;
If I live, let my world
Be aflame and turn to dust.

I burn the world and all in it
I let it burn high and red.
I burn my tender heart afresh
I let it burn our togetherness.

I burn it all and burn with it
She made it my destiny.
No mercy now for world or me
I'll burn and burn endlessly.

Because

None of Man's many flaws are flawed as absurdly
As the flaw of finding every cause an effective fraternity -
Numbers, waves, their collapse, and uncertain probabilities -
In order to derive a single 'because'!
For no more cause than causality!

Niyati (नियति) - the whole poem

I had posted this poem in multiple parts earlier. I think it is complete now.

नियति

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ ।

दिन भर के मेरे हासिल को
नियती शाम को घायल करती है -
मैं चार धागे बुनता हूँ
वो पाँच उधेड़ा करती है।

मैं दिन भर सूरज तपता हूँ
वो रात को मेहनत करती है -
मैं चार खिलौने गढ़ता हूँ
वो पाँच बिगाड़ा करती है।

मैं नियती की गाढ़ी मेहनत को
हर सुबह मिटाया करता हूँ।

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ ।

जब मैं थक सा जाता हूँ
वो दया ज़रा दिखलाती है -
"चल दिया खेलने, खेल तू"
कहती है, इतराती है ।

मैं मीलों पानी ढोता हूँ
वो धूप बड़ा चमकाती है -
मैं महीनों अंकुर बोता हूँ
वो पल में फसल जलाती है ।

हर सावन मैं भी बारिश की
पर आस लगाए रहता हूँ ।

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ ।

मैं धीमे धीमे बढ़ता हूँ
वो ताने दे सताती है -
थोड़ा आगे जमता हूँ
तो पीछे आग लगाती है ।

मैं सोलह सपने सजता हूँ
वो शोर बड़ा मचाती है -
मैं उठता गिरता उठता हूँ
वो फिर से मुझे गिराती है ।

पर गिर कर फिर से उठने की
मैं शर्त लगाया करता हूँ ।

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ ।

जग के सारे काजों को
जल्दी निपटाना होता है -
दिल आस न छोड़े उसको थोड़ा
हर शाम रुलाना होता है।

बैरी नियती के प्रेमी को
यूँ समय बिताना होता है -
वो तोड़ सके ऐसे धागों से
ख़ुशी बनाना होता है।

मैं नियती के इस बैर को
हर सुबह भुलाया करता हूँ।

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ।

Addition to Niyati II

Stanza three of the old Niyati poem, which already had stanza two:

मैं धीमे धीमे बढ़ता हूँ
वो ताने दे सताती है -
थोड़ा आगे जमता हूँ
तो पीछे आग लगाती है ।

मैं सोलह सपने सजता हूँ
वो शोर बड़ा मचाती है -
मैं उठता गिरता उठता हूँ
वो फिर से मुझे गिराती है ।

पर गिर कर फिर से उठने की
मैं शर्त लगाया करता हूँ ।

पानी के नाज़ुक धागों से
मैं ख़ुशी बनाया करता हूँ ।

Cold

Cold

Small ball
Smaller
Smaller
Still smaller
Round curved spine
Head almost touching knees
Hands cradling the head
Silent
Cold
Numb
Lost

Wishing for warmth.

75 startups you can Bet On

My company, Anduril Technologies, got featured in DARE's '75 startups you can bet on' (in India) story. It was their cover story for May 2010 issue. I have been waiting for an electronic version to write about it, but it hasn't come and it is already June. So I decided to post anyway. If they do publish it on Internet, I'll update the post. It is the first time, Anduril got covered in print. Is what I am feeling very similar to how parents feel when their kid faces the stage the first time to recite a poem (optimism laced with dread interrupted with bits of unreasonable embarrassment and groundless pride) ?

We made another small (tiny? minuscule?) appearance in PCQuest. Our biggest client, Eko, got covered in PCQuest's June 2010 issue, and we were mentioned in passing as their technology vendor. Here. In general Eko gets a lot of coverage as its team is one of the smartest I have worked with। In this case, this feature was specifically for the best IT projects in India, so we can preen ourselves a bit.

Update: Post the nomination I had mentioned in this post, Eko received the award for Best IT implementation of the year 2010 in Maximum Social Impact category.
Soft link: http://pcquest.ciol.com/content/search/showarticle.asp?artid=120756

Blunt Instruments

Blunt instruments

A blunt instrument was used to kill Ms. Morris.

Sharp knives they tried first
Then teeth, nails, and claws.
Then, all kinds of arsenal,
Yet still breathing she was.
It was a surprise to everyone
When they saw the signs of hurt.
Why, they thought, when nothing did,
Did the blunt words work.

A blunt instrument was used to kill Ms. Morris.

If Only

If only

While they depart, and still grieve you,
Three thoughts alone desires leave you -

Would have been,
Could have been,
Should have been...

A walk in the woods

A walk in the woods

Life could be lived
In the faster lanes;
Or could it just be
A walk in the woods?

Roof top summers,
Paper boat rains -
Life could be lived
Collecting childhoods.

Fact

Fact

However the dark skies
And the pale dots of white
Also play a role
In making his rhymes right,

And help him compose his epic
So faithfully they serve;

The most special stanza
The nearest to his heart,
All else being his work
The one that is his art,

That one he will keep,
The poet will ever reserve

-- For the stars who shine brighter.


However the broken doll
With its twisted arm
Is also cute
And has a charm,

And is the one the kid hugs
When she needs a loyal friend;

The gold and pink dress
Her favorite from the store
The one she loves best
The one they all adore,

That one she will give
When playing a game of 'Pretend'

-- To the dolls who look prettier.

Mistakes

Mistakes

Disoriented

By dreams -

Dreams of

Flying,

I found

Rocks,

And saw

Wings.

I bought

All.

Smiled,

And soared.

Now,

If I let go

I fall faster.

If I hold on

I fall harder.

Peace

Peace

Gods are mighty and

Mean, arrogant, cruel;

But you are small and

Hence more nimble.

When they deny you joy

And bind you helpless,

Spite them by being

Happy nevertheless.

And when they play unfair

To your right of happiness too,

Steal the peace that wasn't

Ever meant for you.

Eldorado Fades (Eldorado IV)

Eldorado Fades

Eldorado, My love!

Stay for a while more.

Stay in my sight.

Stay, let them explore -

The green of your lands,

The yellow of your sun,

The red of your hills,

Blue skies like none.

Stay here while I die,

Come, let fall your golden locks,

My love! don't fade now,

Let me think these little thoughts.

While they slow my beating heart

And Gods claim their due

My love, let me fill it with

The golden sight of you.

Let me breathe in your air

Smile, this one last time,

As you've done for all poetry -

Pose, for this one last rhyme

Ah! I lose. I falter. I die.

But what matter it does.

My eyes shine with lyrical light

My heart with a golden buzz.

Don't spare your precious tears,

Don't blur my golden view -

All life is worth my love

A sight of golden you.

Lost

LOST

Lost a color on the street of reality.

It looked benign, felt soft, smelled green.

It slipped; Got lost with such finality -

From is, From being, towards had been.

It was mine, I forget which shade though.

If you find it, please return it to me.

My address has changed a while ago -

Color dash less, Drab Street, Dull City.

हे भविष्य

हे भविष्य

इस समय की मुठ्ठियों से
आज का पल पल बिखरता,
वर्तमान की मृत्यु देख,
देख कैसे कल सिहरता!

इन प्रलय की आहटों से
न सोच की मैं डर रहा हूँ,
मैं कवि हूँ, हे भविष्य!
मैं प्रश्न तुझसे कर रहा हूँ -

ये बता झुलस रहे
इस कल से मैं डरता रहूँ?
या जल के कुन्दन बन रहे
एक कल की कल्पना करूँ?

ये बता विद्रोह को
मैं मन में अपने मार दूँ?
या सुलगते सागरों को
विस्फोटकों से ज्वार दूँ?

जीव हो कर मृत्यु से
हार क्या मैं मान लूँ?
जीव हो कर मृत्यु से
हार कैसे मान लूँ?

चल कि दोनों मिल के हम
कुछ मुक्ति दे प्राणों को,
कुछ हवा दे शोलों को,
कुछ गति तूफानों को,

क्रांति हो कुछ इस तरह
कुछ इस तरह आ जाय प्रलय -

विध्वंस का निर्माण में
कुछ इस तरह हो जाय विलय -

कि बस अग्नि हो बच सके,

वह सूर्य हो जो ना जले,

भस्मी हो जाय सब यहाँ,

रहे तो केवल सत्य रहे ।

रहे तो केवल सत्य रहे ।

Dreams of Flying

Dreams of Flying

However hard I fall

However hurt I be

Dreams of Flying will

Never ever leave me.

Nor will I grow wings.

Nor stop getting impelled.

Dreams of Flying will

Forever be my personal hell.

Home

This piece is from the perspective of a young school going girl. Probably class 3.

Home

I don't want to go home.

Don't send me home.

Miss, please don't send me home.

Have you seen our playground?

The wide green compound?

And breathed freedom

And wrote a poem?

Have you seen our classes?

Cream tables, cherry benches?

And learned numbers

And found answers?

Let me stay some more.

I love it here, Miss.

Please don't send me home.

I'll be good I promise.

My home? Yes, I have one.

But I don't like it there.

It has walls and a roof

But no soil, no air.

And I wish to breathe easy

So I need a little air.

And I wish to feel special

But nobody wants me there.

Your school is easy still

All numbers and play.

Don't send me home

Miss, please let me stay.

Yes Miss, I understand

I cannot stay here.

And you have to close the school

And go home somewhere.

I shall go to the walls.

The only place I can.

And try and grow a little

And then sit and plan.

I shall plan a home, Miss.

And work hard and get.

I shall build a home, Miss.
With bricks of love and sweat.

Soil, air, and freedom which

I shall call my own.

I make me a promise, Miss,

I will have a home.

Pink (A Prayer)

Pink (A Prayer)

I wonder how He felt

When He designed

Pink gerberas

Intertwined.

I hope He approves

My little support

In keeping them pink

For a while more.

I hope He approves

My long vase of glass

His creatures' comfort

With a bit of class.

His royal pink

When built so bright

He must have felt

A mother's delight.

My own design

My hands have tried

I hope He allows them

Small share in His pride.

Maya

Maya

Real unreal grief and joy -
Chemical symbols over arrows.
Moments of truth, ages of a lie -
Complicated sums of lots of zeros.

Drops of diamonds, layers of gloss -
Soap and sugar, sellers' tricks.
Real unreal order and chaos -
High definition animated matrix.

द पॉपर एंड द प्रिंस (The Pauper and the Prince)

द पॉपर एंड द प्रिंस (The Pauper and the Prince)

शोर से बच के जो चलते हैं

और शोर नापसंद करते हैं

साफ़ चादर साफ़ लिबास पहनकर

साफ़ भाषा से शर्म करते हैं -

पेट में दाना, घर में माँ,

सर पे छत जिनकी रही हो हमेशा -

जिन्हें मांगने की ज़रुरत न पड़ी हो कभी

देने में वो कंजूसी किया करते हैं।

भूखे रहकर आता है समझ पानी,

अकेले रहकर दुनिया समझ आती है।
ढाई अक्षर के लिए दर दर भटके नहीं जो

वो रोज़ खाने में नखरे किया करते हैं।

जान लगी ही नहीं दाँव पे कभी,

जब खेला सोने चांदी के लिए खेला,

जिन्होंने जीता तो घर भर ने ख़ुशी मनाई

वो जीतने पे बड़ा मान किया करते है।

कोई नुकीले पत्थर से, कोई मोम के तीरों से -
लड़ते सब हैं, चोट सबको लगती है, पर
हर चोट पे माँ की आवाज़ सुनते हों जो
वो शोर से ज़रा बच के चलते हैं।

Prisoners

Prisoners

Who has ever wished

For dreary lands instead

Of rains and greens and trees

Of love and rest and ease ?

Who has ever thought

Of getting what he sought

At prices high unfair

Of paying all unaware ?

Yet, we all seek and get

What we asked and has been let.

We all trade our rains -

For heat, and thirst, and chains.

Save Mr. Wilson

Save Mr. Wilson

Knit a song
Then watch it grow
Grow the song
Then let it go.
The reality
Is not a song.
After all
It is just a song.
But after songs
What remains?
Empty homes?
Silent lanes?
After songs
Ask why.
Why be?
Why die?

Hide a song.
Stealthily.
Before the end,
For company.

Mr. Wilson is a personified (but unreal) character from the movie Cast Away.

Some Days

Some Days

Some days
The sun shines brighter.

Some days
The flowers of champa
Rise rather late
And find morning waiting.

Some days
Mother Ganges relents easier.

Some days
The God of colors
Decides to play
And the rules don't worry him.

Some days
The world plays fairer.

Some days
The lonely squirrel
Loses her last nuts
And finds a friend instead.

Some days
The sun just shines brighter.

Helpless

Helpless

Hang your head
Go stand in the corner
Mourn a bit
If you can!

How could you lose
All I planned
All I cared for
All I began?

How could you be so naive
To make choices
So wrong
So foolish!

How could you trade
My joy, My life
My dreams, My songs
For grief and anguish?

Now what do I do?
Shall I strangle you?
My heart! what have you done?
Now what can I do?

I cannot run
You sold my freedom
I cannot avenge
You sold even you!

Desire

Desire

The story of desire
Is such a simple tale.
"We Desire"
And that is all.

Hope, Passion,
Loss, Grief,
The story goes on and on.
"We desire"
And that is all.

We desire
With fervor high

Then desire
With even more

Then desire
With skill and force

Then desire
With broken hearts

Then desire
With tears unshed

Then desire
With lost hopes

Then desire
With no desire

Still desire
For past desire

Hope, Passion,
Loss, Grief,
The story goes on and on.
"We desire"
And that is all.

Heart Break I

Heart Break I

Girl, is this heart break?

You sound so broken,
So fragile, so hurt
Your eyes so dreamless,
Your laugh such effort.

Girl, does it ache too much?
And does it let you sleep?
Through broken shards of your heart
Does it hurt to breathe?

Do you wonder if you'll live?
Does death seem easier?
Are you mourning your dying dreams?
Do you still long they were?

Like a drowning man, do you wish,
You could trade all for one thing?
And like him, are you denied,
Your share of air, but everything?

And does life give you no choice
In matters of your precious heart?
And do you cry every night?
Despite trying on your part?

Does the ache go deeper down?
Is your soul crushed and hurt?
Is every evening full of pain?
Is every morning even worse?

Does it seem never ending?
Do you fear it would outlast
Your broken heart's mending bids -
Foolish attempts to lose its past?

Girl, is this your first heart break?
Learn .
It is never the last.

Lesson for an Entrepreneur Part V

Lesson for an Entrepreneur Part V

When the river Ganges
In her anger
Washes away your oars,
And leaves you helpless
To head
Into chaos and uproar,
And tumbles your boat
To teach you
For daring her shores,
And forces her noise
To drown you,
(Your pleas she ignores)

When all seems lost
And you
Are one against All,
When far seems a rescue
Or relief
And imminent your fall,
When the mother Ganges
Is furious
Beyond pity's recall,
When long stay the nights
And Sun
Never comes at all,

Remember to remember
A lesson
Man's endeavors teach -
There lies in large hearts
A corner
Winters never reach.
And there find the warmth
To excuse
Fate's wrongdoing each -
Look! Ganges' anger ebbs
And reveals
A calmer shore, a milder beach.

The Ganges' angry
But
Her anger is just pretend.
This rapid shall end;
The next
Shall also end.
You only need to last
Just one
More night my friend.
Sun, is just acting dear -
So, work!
Big welcome you need to send.

The One Thing

The One Thing

Shall I return with His gifts?
Or stay here and hide?
I remember not
where I came from,
I know no outside.
Glory to His kingdom!
His grace is boundless wide.
The only things
I asked for -
Were the only ones denied.

Be Wise

Be Wise

Love dreams, and builds,
And bets, and wins,
Prays, and lives,
And slips, and sins -
To barter the forbidden
For virgin morality -
To throw for an illusion
All the reality.

Be wise.

Forever is not worth
Naive morality.
Don't throw for an illusion
All the reality.

I wanted to give this poem another title - बचो युधिष्ठिर! (Bacho Yudhisthir) but not many people would have understood the reference to Dinkar's Kurukshetra. Of course, Dinkar's lines have nothing to do with my theme here.

'Be wise' can never have the same sound as 'bacho yudhisthir' but I'll make do. For reference, here is what Dinkar wrote in a completely different context:
आनन सरल, वचन मधुमय है,
तन पर शुभ्र वसन है,
बचो युधिष्ठिर! इस नागिन का
विष से भरा दशन है ।
Dinkar was talking about the illusion of Peace which comes at the cost of an individual's liberty.

P and S

P and S

All problems
Have a solution.

All problems
Have an unpleasant solution.

P and S,
let's call them -
A pleasant S let's construe.

I tried. It's not happening.
There is no option.

P and S, both as enduring,
I could trade for an option.

I'd give a lot
For a world where -
S and !S could both be true.

Hope

Hope

Though unprepared they find me

And stealthily they come,

So softly they remind me

So gently they blossom -

The flowers of Hope -

Meet despair like old friends.

Leaves of champa in shades of rose

They grow at unexpected ends.

[Despair]

Despair

Despair

Though unprepared it finds me

And stealthily it comes,

So softly it reminds me

And so kindly it numbs -

The season of Despair -

Meets unwelcome with courtesy.

Cruel, deaf and unfair

It has its ways of Mercy.


[Hope]